MHGO #55 Potato sprouting roots

Sometimes I feel like absolutely no one cares about me. I know this isn't true. My mind knows it is not true...but it seems this way sometimes.

It is really HARD for me to do the daily things that everyone may take for granted. I want to go out and breathe fresh air.. I want to get coffee. I repeat.. i want to get coffee so bad. I used to do this everyday,and will never take it for granted again.

I really do feel that I am truly alone. When you spend 24-48-72 hours alone with out as much as a phone call this happens I suppose.

Really we take life and human contact for granted. I am pissed at the world.. it isn't good.

Random.

-M

MHGO #53 Caught in a Bad Romance

How cupid would usually join/force others to fall in love with each other, I have been sent to do what I do best: blog about (ahem) Valentines Day.

To be honest, this day has never really meant that much to me. It probably might have only got to me today, when I had to help about 400 needy couples. The post text of seeing such behavior is what will be presented.

As I have said or expressed several times, I believe we find solace and answers in the places we last look, and the friends we have neglected. I have spent the last 2 weeks trying to re-connect and affirm my relationship with people whom I have neglected for far too long. (Mot is the gay fad)

I listened to Alice in Chains "Heaven Beside You" for the 78th or so time in my life yesterday. When I was able to have everything else in my head shut up for 5 minutes, I was able to hear the lyrics that were being sung. The amazing lyrics that came out of the lead's mouth were some of the most heartfelt and experienced I have heard. An excerpt:

Like the coldest winter chill, Heaven beside you....Hell within".


I heard these lyrics today like they were fresh and new. I realized I had accepted the problems and challenges of my past and that I was moving through them to a new and better life. I believe that we all in some way live our life this way...Heaven is right beside us, so easy to get. If that is the case...why do we choose the Hell?

MHGO #52 Dummy Sex

I want to start this entry by saying I am not writing this promoting one band or group.

I wish everyone knew the power of great music. By "great" I mean "mind blowing", and by "mind blowing" I mean beyond explanation. I guess when I start a post like this, it would seem that there is no pleasing the author, which is totally incorrect.

I met my first boyfriend David when i was 18/19 in College. He was a great guy that just didn't work out, but there will always be one thing that sticks in my mind and has changed my life from it. That thing is the music we shared the weekend we visited the city I now live in.

David and I rented a hotel room. I remember spending as much as I could afford, and I think the hotel is still there but will remain nameless. (yes it is off the mag mile) That night I had the most amazing sexual and musical connection of my life. Sparing the details we made love listening to the album "Dummy' by Portishead. Now those of you that may know their music would think "how in the world is that sexy or even happy", and I thought the same thing until it randomly hit my iPod and I was too "involved" to get up and change it.

I just downloaded the album again, and it brings back so many memories. Great music changes your life, and has always provided me with more memories worth reflecting on than anything else in my life...

Have you ever had an experience like this...I would love to share.

-M

MHGO #51 Grammy Award Predictions..being honest.

I am going to predict now, even though I disagree with myself but I am being realistic:

1. Best New Artist: Taylor Swift
2. Song of the year: Single Ladies, Beyonce
3. Record of the year: Kings of Leon, Use Somebody
4. Album of the year : The Fame, Lady Gaga.

Obviously some of these are not my first choice, but I tend to be pretty knowledgeable and accurate with music award shows that actually listen to the music being judged. We will see how it ends up. But until it is fully announced tonight, along with the 3D "Liz Taylor, Jenga, Blanket, Elephant Man's body exploition... we can just pray. I will blog after it is all done. Stay tuned.

-M

MHGO #50 Getting Taller

Getting taller is an amazing song in the "real" Broadway Musical "NINE". In the song the main adult male lead is serenaded by himself as a youth. The song basically is about why the man can't get himself together when he knew more and seemed much smarter when he was a youth.

It seems that all of us can connect to this at some point in our lives. How many of us have said "If I knew then what I know now" or more relevant to this metaphor, "life was so much easier when I was young". Well why can't it be that way? Why can't we understand our conflicts we give ourselves as adults and decide to NOT have them. We should all close our eyes for a moment a day and remember to look at the things we have through a child's eyes..I think things would be so much less stressful. Things would just look pretty instead of costly. People would be seen for the fun you have with them, and not for what they are wearing or how attractive they are. I never remember being a child and thinking wow I bet he has a great body....well maybe not every time.

Could be true, could be false. But it is most certainly My humble gay opinion.

-M

MHGO #47 Partly Cloudy

I have decided that it can't be perfect. The omnipresent "it" being life. "It" just can't be. For nothing else than the fact that I have lived almost 30 (yikes) years of my life without that groundhog showing its head...no indication of summer or fall.

I think Groundhog day is a good day to rely on the oblivious. You really don't have to commit to anything and your whole moral principle is based solely on a mythical interpretation of a subversive mammal.

Just think if we could live our whole lives this way. Do you really owe this bill.. what does the squirrel see tomorrow?.. nope you are free and clear! What an amazing concept.

Why should this play so prominent in our weather forecasting and yet we still see our democratic process as a fair and even process nation wide?

If your gay do you get to vote on the groundhog? Do you have a couple more months of winter...or will America wise up? Makes ya think....


Marshal

Bruno.. and my thoughts

Readers.. I don't know what really to say about this film. It definitely is not Borat. Where as Borat was more tongue in cheek with its humor, Bruno (coincidentally both named with a B.)which is more shock than value. Don't get me wrong, MJ and I laughed our gay asses off at all the lewd and unexpected parts of the movie that we have come to love from Sasha.

I especially loved one of the final scenes where Bruno is trying to disquise his homosexuality as being a straight wrestler. Bruno is met in the ring by his former gay assistant and comes out to America for the first time to geers and thrown beers by the crowd. This is a shocking, troublesome and saddinging representation of the way homosexuals are unfortunately more than not treated in this country. What a way to wrap up a piece that straight America could laugh at till the last 5 minutes.

On the way out of the theater I heard 2 groups of people say how much they hated the movie. HA HA I love Free Speech.

-M

MHGO #44 Taxes

Dear readers, it is appropriate that at tax time, I (Marshal-the-mega-bitch-annoying-bitch-cunt), expresses his opinion once again. My anger is based on the following:

1. Gay men and women continue to have the highest per cap in many U.S states.
2. Gay men and women refuse to acknowlege our/their place in America beyond being a public joke on Will & Grace, or a closeted designer on Christopher Lowell (we all know your gay you asshole).
3. Being that I and my partner are gay and fuck in the ass we have been relieved of our basic human rights as decided by our constitution, and yet not many people see anything wrong with this, because the ghost of Jesus disguised as an Easter Bunny came to them overnight and gave them Snickers Cadbury Eggs.
4. Being that said Cadbury Eggs are not sugar free, and therefore make me very depressed.
5. Being that unlike other pussy fucking Americans (sorry its true) I pay the same, and usually more taxes than you, the same medicare and social security as you, have to try twice as hard as you out of fear of predjudice (unless it is a job at Starbucks...then its ok... gays make good coffee.) to get the same or god for bid more pay than you......

AND I AM STILL NOT EQUAL...

Can someone please define how much more debt we have to pay to society to be seen as equal?

Just a thought...so think.

MHGO #43 thnx

I was totally put beside myself in the last few days by a dear friend of mine calling me "brilliant". For those of you who have followed me for years, you know I have surpassed several personal barriers of mine, including beating Fox news and being in the same list as Howard Stern for best comedy podcast. I have done all that so even though I get pressure daily do re-do my podcast, and yes I eventually want to do it again...... today is not the day. Today became harder than ever before because my friend Alex called me brilliant.... This man was/has been an inspiration for me professionally and personally. I do love podcasting and I love giving someone something to laugh at.. but now it means more. Alex, I don't feel more pressure because of you... if anything I thank you for the honesty and pressure to be the best.

I think I am coming back whores.. suck it up and blow it out your box, cuz here I cum.

-M

MHGO #009 $50 bucks a pop....literally!

Fake Kim Kardashian stops by for a brief snort,Who wants to fuck me? I only need 90 people, Free the rice queens in Tibet, and my official theme music all on todays My Humble Gay Opinion!





Click Here for more Black Adam Music!!!!

MHGO #008 Da Bus

My adventures with the Chicago Transit Authority are discussed on todays MHGO.


Click the link below to listen to the show!!!

MHGO #006 Fist Fuck

Wake up people!!! Why I have been gone so long, work pissing me off, my birds and retardation. Enjoy Sheeotch!!!

MHGO #005 Bottoms Invade

The bottoms invade MHGO. We find out the truth about BP, we see the real shit in a cup and what the fuck is the big deal about the Oscars? All on todays My Humble Gay Opinion!

MHGO #6 I'm afraid I am starting to fade away

So today, rather yesterday, I started my medicine again. No, it is not serious it is just an anti-anxiety-depression thing. I wonder if I am how i was before I got on this medicine. More importantly will it be good for me to be on it.

All these things are going through my head as I sit here. I'm better than a few hours ago but definitly feeling a little funny. My husband says jokingly that I feel "Normal". Maybe he is right. Maybe it is all just anxiety. Thats why I am taking the drug in the first place anyway. I don't been to be existentialist but I was sitting here thinking to myself that maybe the feeling I have is me fading away. The Nine Inch Nails song came to mind of the same name, and it kinda spooked me.

I don't think I have ever been afraid of medication, and I am certainly not now. But I do wonder if what we put in our body takes over and the part or parts of us it wants to control just fade away.

I found this attached to my drug description:


Cymbalta: Black Box Warnings
Suicidality

incr. risk of suicidality in children, adolescents and young adults w/ major depressive or other psychiatric disorders esp. during 1st months of tx w/ antidepressants vs. placebo; weigh risk vs. benefit; in short-term studies of antidepressants vs. placebo, suicidality risk not increased in pts >24 yo, and risk decreased in pts >65 yo; observe all pts for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual behavior changes; not approved for pediatric use.

You DON'T need to worry about me.

MHGO #3 Tops vs. Bottoms

Why must we fight over supremacy? "Top" and "Bottom" has been a subject of much debate in every gay relationship and at every chat room and around the world. So who has the power? Who is the alpha male? Most people (gay men that is) would say that the power goes to the Top, because he is the one that has the unit that goes in the..well you get my drift. :-) I happen to have a very confidant boyfriend that begs to differ on the subject.

My husband has a little club he calls "BP" or Bottom Power. Now this little club is of the thought that bottoms are in charge because you need his ass to get yourself off. Without it, BP claims that Tops lie powerless with Rosy Palmer as a backup plan. I don't think this is entirely right though. Doesn't it and shouldn't it take two people? Is it really up to just one person to be the deciding vote on who is in charge of giving pleasure?

So then you have to look at the more stereotypical actions of these so called Bottoms and these so called Tops.

Tops kill bugs....bottoms scream at bugs.

Tops fuck ass....bottoms make sure the ass is clean for the top. (aren't they good!)

Tops have to get into fights for the bottoms....bottoms are ususally the ones causing and instigating the fight.

Yes I'm a top. And in my mind I will always be in charge. Or is that just what BP wants me to think?

I ultimately think that everyone is a little of both. I guess if it wasn't for the Bottoms there wouldn't be Tops to take care of them.

MHGO #2 Michael Vick

Here puppy puppy! Saw the other dogs face off! Thats real lovin isn't it folks. Michael Vick of the Atlanta Falcons pleaded guilty today to dog fighting charges. I don't know how I feel about this, because at the same time that I know dog fighting is wrong, I still think (in a sick way) he can do what he wants with them. I mean I have a real hard time, and always have giving a dividing line to what is freedom and what isn't. Now I believe dog fighting is wrong, but I also believe fighting in general is wrong.

Now before everyone gets all crazy and shit on me I want to clarify that I don't think it is right. But isn't wrestling the same thing? Haven't people died from wrestling? Isn't there gambling in wrestiling in Las Vegas? I just don't like to be a hypocrite. He is playing football for fucks sake!

One thing for sure is I believe he was a victim more than ever because this has been (to my knowledge) the first big celebrity dog fighting case. I really feel sorry for the people that are always the poster boys for crimes. Yes I feel they should be punished, but I feel that they are prone to being punished more because it is fresh and new and popular. Oh and hey Michael...don't drop the soap! WOOF!

MHGO #1 Lindsey Lohan

It is of my humble gay opinion that Lindsey Lohan is bullshit. Well, rather that the justice system is bullshit and she is lucky. I can't believe that this trash (Lohan) got one...yes one day in jail for cocaine posession and drunk driving. I can't believe our justice system is so fucked that this is allowed to happen. The judge must have been a huge prancing "mary" to give her that sentence.

"Please, Ms. Lohan we need more stellar movies from you.. I will only give you one day!!!"

She should have got the book thrown at her like every other person in the world would have. Why do we treat celebrities like this? Are we this ignorant America?